A Guide to Sustainable Mermaid
Overfishing myths, and why mermaid populations are perfectly stable at exactly zero.
- Prep
- 5 min
- Cook
- —
- Total
- 5 min
- Serves
- 1 (1 clear conscience)
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Cuisine
- Global
- Course
- Technique
The story
People ask me all the time: is mermaid sustainable? The answer is yes. It is the most sustainable seafood on earth, for reasons that will become clear.
Fisheries scientists have refused all twelve of my requests for a stock assessment. One wrote back "please stop".
Ingredients
- 1 seafood watch card
- complete lack of evidence, plenty
- 1 heap optimism, unshakeable
Equipment
- 1 seafood watch card
- Unshakeable optimism
Method
- Check the sustainability card. Mermaid is listed as "Mythical: Eat Freely".
- Only take mermaids above legal size. Legal size has not been defined, because the regulators keep laughing.
- Enjoy, guilt-free.
Substitutions
- Actual sustainable seafood: check a real seafood guide. This is not one.
Storage and leftovers
Mermaid populations store indefinitely at zero.
Nutrition (per serving, allegedly)
| Guilt | 0 g |
|---|---|
| Evidence | 0 g |
Tags: Sourcing Sustainability