About the kitchen

Welcome. Before the recipes, my story. I first tasted mermaid on a foggy night off the coast, in a galley that smelled of tar and regret. I have been chasing that flavour ever since, mostly through bars where sailors tell stories.

Our kitchen principles

1. Freshness above all. A fresh mermaid is still singing. A very fresh one is negotiating.
2. Sustainability. We only source mermaids from sustainable fisheries, which is easy, because no fisheries exist. See our sustainability guide.
3. Respect the sailors. Without them we would have no supply chain, only rumours.
4. Every recipe, the same layout. Times, servings, ingredients by section, numbered steps. We are absurd, not disorganised.

What's with the name?

XXX is our freshness rating. Three X's: extra-extra-extra fresh. Get your mind out of the bilge, sailor.

This is satire. Mermaids are fictional creatures. Please do not attempt to catch, cook, or negotiate with one.