Mermaid Temperature and Food Safety Guide
Split cooking temperatures, fictional parasites, and why we never serve mermaid sashimi.
- Prep
- 10 min
- Cook
- —
- Total
- 10 min
- Serves
- 1 (1 laminated chart)
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Cuisine
- Global
- Course
- Technique
The story
Food safety is no laughing matter. Mermaid food safety is entirely a laughing matter, because mermaids are not real. Still, a good kitchen has a chart on the wall.
Print this, laminate it, and hang it next to your sea-witch union poster.
Ingredients
- 2 probe thermometers, labelled TOP and BOTTOM
- 1 sheet safety chart, see chef's notes
Equipment
- Two probe thermometers
- Laminator
- A healthy sense of disbelief
Method
Check
- Probe the thickest part of each half separately.
- Upper half: 145°F (63°C), then rest. ⏱ 3 min
- Lower half: 145°F (63°C), until opaque and flaky.
Parasites
- If anyone at the table starts humming a shanty, check your thermometer.
Raw
- Don't.
Substitutions
- For real seafood, follow real food-safety guidance from your local health authority. This chart is a joke.
Storage and leftovers
Keep the chart dry. Keep the mermaid fictional.
Nutrition (per serving, allegedly)
| Shanty worms | 0 (after cooking) |
|---|---|
| Common sense | required |
Tags: Food Safety Technique