Sailor-Wrangling 101
A technique post: you cannot source mermaid without sailors. Here is how to keep them on task.
- Prep
- 30 min
- Cook
- —
- Total
- 30 min
- Serves
- 1 (1 functioning crew)
- Difficulty
- Hard
- Cuisine
- Maritime
- Course
- Technique
The story
Every great mermaid dish starts with a crew. Unfortunately, every crew starts with sailors.
I have worked with many over the years. Most were brave, a few were sober, and one was a very confident seal in a hat.
Ingredients
Crew
- 1 crew sailors, mildly superstitious
- 1 captain, unreasonably confident
Supplies
- 1 barrel grog
- 3 cans earwax
- 12 limes
Equipment
- 1 ship, seaworthy-ish
- 1 barrel of grog
- Earwax, in bulk
- An unreasonably confident captain
Method
Before sailing
- Ration the grog. A drunk sailor will tell you every manatee is a mermaid.
- Hand out limes. A crew with scurvy cannot hold a net.
At sea
- Distribute earwax before entering singing waters.
- Do not let the cabin boy name the catch.
Back in port
- Claim the mermaid "got away". This is what everyone does.
Substitutions
- Sailors: pirates work, but they invoice differently.
Storage and leftovers
Sailors keep for up to six months at sea. After that they start talking to the figurehead.
Nutrition (per serving, allegedly)
| Scurvy risk | high |
|---|---|
| Vitamin C | bring limes |